Christmas Time with the girls...

We made some cookies and had loads of fun: Chocolate everywhere ;)

The others did this for 6 hours and we have loads of cookies :)

With the same group of girls we had a Christmas Dinner, which was really nice. Because they don't want their picture shared here I just show you my outfit:

 

I really like this picture <3 Thanks, Rubiluby 

Well I want to share a picture of the atmosphere as well, so my sister has to survive this. Love you.

Coming up...

I have not forgotten you! I was sick last week. The good thing I found out while being sick: The cold really filled ever cell of my body, there was no space left for the depression. So I kinda felt good while being sick.

I am writing now, that there's a post coming up soon, about my weekend away with friends at one friends home where she grew up, on a farm! It will have many pictures in it, but I wanted to give you a little picture-preview here:

Pants...

Just want to share these funny pictures of me and my cousin. We were shopping for pants and I really liked these (I bought them in the end, and wear them right now). So I am the one with the shorter legs... And look how different they look on different bodies!

Have a lovely evening!

I suffer from depression Part Vb: Current Situation Update

So, after last weeks depression post I got some worried friends thinking I was in a really bad state. I was quite surprised, because I felt I was optimistic and positiv. But after reading my post again I totally get it: I said I was the worst I know, and that's what it's like. So I am bad, BUT at the same time, I said, that I was better than ever. I get, that we tend to focus on the bad part of things. And actually today I am in a bad mood, not feeling up to anything.
BUT I have a friend who is drawing comics and I asked her to illustrate how I'm feeling at the moment, and how you can see at it as better than before. That was last week. Today we did the final touches and even though I don't want to do a thing, I am working on this, because she gave me some outer motivation.

So here's her work:

So even though I feel really bad, I am better off than anytime before, because I have opened up and let friends come into my life. Before I was always like: I don't want to share this with anyone, because I don't want to drag anyone down with me. So I didn't share with others. And I never cared a lot about others stories. I changed. The hole is still there. I will work this out with my therapist. Actually, I have never before been this honest with her.

I am letting this depression series come to an end right here. It actually drags ME down to write about it. In the future I will focus more on the good things I experience. If something comes up: alright, but I don't want to get myself in this state by thinking about it. I need to focus on the good things.

Thanks for listening... I send loads of love out to you!
And thanks again to Chris for the drawing!

A walk in a forrest

I went on a walk with my cousin and his wife. Those two have saved my saturdays lately. They've been extremely supportive. This was very spontaneuos, they called and where here 15 minutes later. A short trip with the car and this was our destination:

There's no "wrong" weather, only wrong clothes!

That is a saying from Norway, which I really like. It rhymes in norwegian.

I know these pictures are blurry, the light was too bad that day. I want to share them anyway. I was at the animal shelter to walk with a dog. It was raining, not only a little but really a lot ;) So I took on:

• my rain trousers over my normal pants.
• my rain jacket.
• my rain poncho on top
• my hiking boots (the only boots that really keep my feet dry ;) )
• a cap to keep my glasses from the rain

All of this kept me dry from the outside, at times it was more than cozy warmth inside it and I was glad when I could take it all off ;)

A strong girl this doggie. She wanted into the house - I wonder why ;)

I suffer from depression Part V: Current situation

When writing about my despression before, I was not in a depressive episode. I have some troubles with my life which are of a depressive nature, but missing the sadness part. So I wrote about things that I struggle with every day, anyway. But now I am in an episode, I don't think I've ever been this bad - I'm good at blocking things out, so maybe I just don't remember - but at the same time my life is at it's best ever. How is that even possible?

Before the epsiode started I was sad and a little tired, but not in a depressive state, where the sadness comes from nowhere. And now I sit around and sometimes just start to cry without even knowing why. I've been seeing my therapist again, who helps me a lot. I read a lot and play a lot of stupid little games on facebook. University is not going to well, I quit one class and the assignment I should be working on is postponed (again). Now I just have to work on getting better. Thing is: HOW?

At the same time, as I said before, my life is at my best. Before this episode I was sad with a reason and my flatmate ordered me to meet people, anyone, every day. If you know me, you will know that that is not what I usually do. I am more of the staying at home, being alone kind of girl. A lone wolf. I had no better idea, so I "just" met acquaintances, without overthinking it. They quickly became friends and I suddenly have this strong social network (in Real Life ;) ), which gives me joy. I never had this kind of joy with people aside from really close people (like sisters, cousins, boyfriends and flatmates), now I expand my horizon on this topic. It gives me strength. And I could be falling into a "real" depression if not for them! This deep black hole is right in front of my feet, there's not much missing for me to fall into it (sometimes I want to give up, but rarely and only when on my own). But if I turn around, leave the black hole at home and meet my friends, I am happy, I feel good. But the hole is still there in the background.

So I am my saddest and my gladest at the moment. Both at the same time. And the good things do not erase the bad stuff. So even though I am active, I'm still depressive. It's not an easy equation where action leads to happiness! So I will need to work more with my therapist on how to get better longterm.

I send loads of hugs out to all others who struggle, I feel for you. And I love you!
And I want to thank my closest friends at the moment, I love you and: I need you :) I'm glad to have you in my life and to be sharing my life but also get a part in your lives.

My city... with friends

This was one week ago. Without words.

Bad hare day ;)

I told you about my shower "problems", I had one of these days yesterday. My hair was a mess, but I was going out to walk with dogs from the animal shelter, so this was my solution to this problem:

It's a simple scarf, which I pinned with bobby pins in front and behind the ears. All the rest is twisted around each other and secured with a hair tie!

Get-up-early challenge day 3

Luckily I didn't call the challenge get-up-early-AND-GO-TO-THE-LiBRARY challenge! So today I had breakfast with my sister around 8, I got up! But my alarm clock was overheard so I was in no state to leave the house. I am at home and this morning I read a book about writing assignments... That works so well for me, because I get a lot of motivation from it! Afterwards it's like itching in my fingers to start ;) That is not a normal state of mine...
Now I have to leave for a lecture on church history and am in the same state as this morning... No, wait! I brushed my teeth ;)

I did it today! Yay!
I'm using my sisters computer and I found three pictures of me from 2010 which I will share now, just for the fun of it! We create a photobook for my grandparents every year as a christmas present. We show what we have done that year, so this is 2010:

I started to study and it really tired me. So I  constructed this, and my little brother took my picture

This is in Norway and I have no idea what the story is. We stood on these wooden ski with three persons, our feet in loops and we had to go as fast as possible. It was fun! When I look at this picture I also see my choice of clothes, I really like the colours and all, but today in Germany I would never wear a leggins with a top, I wear this top today and I wear trousers!!

This was a very new experience for me. It's in Norway as well, in the mountains. I think you can see how I enjoy it! But I remember that it took quite an effort to overcome my fears.

Have a great day! I have to run now....

Get-up-early challenge day 2

Hello there!
It's 1.26 pm now, and I didn't live up to my goal today.

Bu let me first tell you about yesterday - it was awesome! I didn't do much of my assignment yesterday, I wrote my blogpost, checked out life on FB and what my email-account had for me. Not much, but the time ran away from me. I wanted to get some books from a special part of the library which didn't open before nine. At half past nine I went there and found five books dealing with the writing of assignments, which I took with me. Then I had a class about hinduism, it was crazy. All those strange words, which have no meaning to me (or the girl sitting beside me, so I wasn't the only one). In the end of this class I will know what they stand for, that's pretty amazing. It was the first time our class met, so we mostly talked about the run of the course and who will present what on which day. the class was supposed to take until 11.45, but at 11.04 we were done. I thought I'd start to read one of my new books before meeting my sister for lunch at 12.30, but life goes as it does. I stayed behind with these two really nice girls and we talked, and talked and laughed; I enjoyed it so much.
Lunch with my sister was a little strained, because the canteen was overflowing. so many new students and all the rest back from "vacation", so we went another place. Nice food, but a lot more expensive!
After that I went to my place to get some washing and vacuuming done.
In the evening there was a church service which attended with a friend. I really like the services in my university congregation. I feel at home there and afterwards there's always something social and food.
So yesterday was a great day for me, all he better cause today is not that awesome (as of yet).

I started to read in bed at about 10 I think, and got up at around 12. I read the "Game of Thrones" series, it is really intriguing. I have had breakfast and the washing machine is working on my and my sisters trousers... I have the books in front of me, and after this post, I will start to read. the thinnest first ;)
Later at 6.15 to 8.30 pm I will have a class about theological war rhetorics and after that I will go to the gospel choir with my sister.

Have a great day, and don't get worked up if you do not get all done. Nobody's perfect, just do your best. It is harder to get a better day tomorrow if you do not fret about it too much. Just think: Tomorrow will be better! And it will!

I did it!

Good morning dear friends!

This is day 1 of my get-up-early challenge. It is 8.42 am and I am sitting in the university library.
It was easier than expected to get up early, I feel that I am a morning person really, but with the hardship in getting up I am never in my true condition. I feel good!

It was cold outside, below 10° C, my fingers itch from warming up inside again. But honestly? I like the cold! And it's not freezing cold, only cold ;)

But after like 5 minutes on my bike I broke into a sweat, man, my body is not good with getting warm. I think my body works like this: It's very hot inside and my body is working hard to cool me down. When you touch me I am more likely to be cold than warm (I like it that way!). And when I do sports, my body gets even warmer and I do not feel so good.

How does your body warmth/cold work?

The day after...

Everything that went bad yesterday turned good today!

I had a shower yesterday (whoop, whoop) and went about my day.

1. I wanted to meet my lecturer, because I am writing an assignment. On the internet it said, that she would be there for consultations wednesdays from 1-2 pm. When I was there I found a paper at her door saying: From NEXT week on, my consultation-hour will be wednesdays. Obviously she wasn't there.

2. I wanted to meet my sister for lunch. On Sunday we talked about it, and I felt it was a set date, but... well, it wasn't. So I was in the canteen, but she didn't show. When I called her, she'd had lunch already and was back at work.

3. I wore my new jeans, they have a new cut, straight leg, not slim fit. And they sagged! Like really bad! Bad I was at my parents after the canteen thing and had nothing to change into. I wore them all day...

Today:

1. I wrote an email to my lecturer yesterday and she answered this morning saying I could come by at 11.30 am if I could make it. I read that mail at 10.45, but because I had the shower yesterday I could skip that and not feel to bad or ugly.
I was in her office for 45 minutes, only 15 of them spent on my assignment, the rest was life and moving on. She shared lots from her life and I from mine; it felt really nice to be able to talk with her about stuff. I want to write my bachelor-thesis with her (even more now!)

2. I went to the jeans-shop and the lady was quite firm, that because I had worn it already he couldn't take it back. I was quite proud of myself, because I tend to cry very fast, and I felt them bubbling up, but I kept them under control (yeah!). She found a size smaller for me (all the while I was thinking: my budget doesn't stretch so far that I could buy the same jeans again, only another size), when she gave it to me, I wanted to say that. But she was faster ;) Said I should try this size and we would see what could be done. So I tried it on and it fit (it didn't fit 2 days ago!?!?). She looks at me saying like: "Yeah, this is the size you should be wearing... and I can't take the other back... But this is your size... Ok I'll do it." Wow, incredible!

3. I met my sister for lunch. She was earlier than I expected and called me while I was trying on the jeans. So I had to hurry a lot and she was already eating when I came, but we did it :)

Now I am at home, packing for a ten day "vacation". I'll be living with my sister at my parents house, because they are gone on real vacation... that way she and I will have some quality time together. The plan is, that I get up with her in the mornings and we have breakfast together, at 7.30 am (ridiculously early for my rythm, but I really am a morning person and feel better that way), at 8.00 am we'll leave the house. She'll go to work and I to the library to work on my assignment. We will have lunch together, afterwards a little more work. This rutine will help me a lot!

High five for friday!

Another week is gone and it's friday afternoon already! I link up with Lauren on this.


1. It's that time of the year! FALL! I really love fall, when it's getting colder again. We have an awesome start as well, because the sun is shining a lot. We're more used to rain here ;)

2. Last friday evening was my little brothers 25th birthdayparty. My sister and I we're wondering why he wanted to do it in the garden -- OUTSIDE! We would freeze to death! But no: He made a bonfire and it was quite warm.

3. On dunsay I was on a science day in a laboratory, with my little brother and sister. It's the place my big sister works, but due to sickness she couldn't come with us. But we met her at her home. We saw the fastest computer in Europe and viewed some simulations the scientists created with it. We needed 3D-glasses, my brother got the best one:

4. Two food related things:
On monday I was in the canteen with my sister and had this; it was great but I didn't even got half of it eaten...:

 

For a long time I have been dreaming of a perfect egg to breakfast. On wednesday I finally had it (two at once!):

5. Today I was for a looooooooong walk with my old flatmate and her doggie:

I suffer from depression Part IV: Getting good at "failing"

 When dealing with depression I learned to get better and better at failing. Well, sometimes some things get done, maybe even gloriously. But most of the time, you do not get to do a lot. And it's hard to enjoy anything anyways.

Thing is: I am not perfect. In fact, nobody is.
I was a bookworm in my teens and I felt everyone was perfect, or at least better than I was.
Maybe I am a real looser regarding the shower or getting my days started and many other things; but I have a real BIG heart, I mean REAL BIG! I do not want to be bragging about anything concerning myself, but in my depression it is essential to always have to have something positive to set against all my failures.

While I was in my worst time of depression I learned to fail. To not drag myself deeper down than I already was.
If I didn't get anything done, even this or that I had planned. I'm working on not letting that define me. I am not what I do. Neither am I what I feel (this one is even harder).

This doesn't work out always. Not at all. Usually I set myself the limit of one day to really sink into that hole, but the day after is got to be better.

Part of this solution for me was the knowing that God loves me the way I am. That does in no way mean, that I couldn't get better. I could get a better ME. I am not supposed to be like any of the others I always wished to be. I wished to be someone else, someone stronger, with more self control (the list goes ooon), but I am not. I am ME. I am supposed to be me and I am loved the way I am.

The other parts of this series:
PART I: Why write this and Getting out of bed 
PART II: About my depression and the wave formation
Part III: Taking a shower

Fall is on!

I love fall. I like when it's getting colder and I can put some more clothes on. My body enjoys the cold a lot more than the warm. But it can adjust, I was in France for 2 weeks this summer and after one and a half weeks my body started to feel more and more comfortable in the heat (around 28-33°C).
I wore this outfit on a café-date with some of my friends. I had a real good afternoon, they make me laugh and they just love me for who I am.

These two colours are my absolute favorite... I am a lover of pink and (almost) every shade of red, and green just fits to that perfectly.
I was reading Audreys Blog, it's about building a remixable wardrobe. She also had a series on How to build a wardrobe from scratch, and a part of it was: Choosing colors. I liked the idea with the complementary colors.. And because I already had a lot of pinks and reds, I just choose their complementary color: green. And it served me well in my shopping. Not that everything is always in this scheme, but it helps me to focus on what really is fitting good into my overall wardrobe.

Going for a walk... with animal shelter dogs

Our animal shelter allows people to walk the dogs between 12.00 and 15.30 every day. I was there with Amke the last two days and want to share our new friends ;)

Douce:

Karla:

Nala (we were the first to be allowed to walk this siberian wolfshound apart from the staff :) ):

Missing: Tayra.
If you have the chance to do the same in a local animal shelter: do!